This is a real life story about the tragedy that a misfiring ass can cause. Please read this at using your own discretion, it contains scenes of fart induced trauma throughout, which some users may find distressing.

Jackie was a happy old man. He was only 3 days from retirement. He had been a teacher all of his life and he loved his profession so. He always came into work with a smile in his face. Life couldn’t possibly be anymore rosy. This was until he met Drepmore. Drepmore was a smelly chap who loved farting more than anything. Him and his partner in crime General Glockenspiel loved causing havoc in class. They had only known each other for a few months, becoming friends recently due to their mutual love of farting.

Anyhow to set the scene Glockenspiel had challanged Drepmore to a farting contest. Being one to never refuse a challenge Drepmore agreed to it. The person to emit the most evil farts during Jackie’s classes would win a large ball of cheese from the local supermarket. Both men were confident that the cheesy ball was theirs. They shook hands and so it began.

Jackie strode into class with the usual dopey grin in his face. He stood at the front of the room as usual with his hands perched in his skinclad pants. He opened his book and turned to the appropriate page. He was about to start talking when he heard a curious noise coming from the far corner of the room. It was like someone had dropped a wet cabbage from a large height into a sink. Jackie ignored it. Surely he must have been hearing things! “Nothing real could sound as hideous as that.” he joked to himself.

He continued talking to the class for a few seconds when he stopped once again. The aftermath from the first fart had hit Jack. He did not know what to do. The skin on his arm was beginning to blister. Sheer panic took over. Jackie bit his tongue. He couldn’t break down now. He was only three days from retirement. He had to carry on. But before the had the chance to another fart sounded, this time from Drepmore. This one literally made the floor move. Jackie couldn’t ignore it this time. He jumped up and started on Drepmore

“Is there something wrong with ye over there!” He screamed managing to sound frightfully constipated

“Yes Jack. I think something must have crawled up my ass and died, would you care to come over here and take a whiff?” replied the young scalliwag

Jackie looked horrified. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. His heart was beginning to race rapidly. He started to feel a little dizzy.

“Here Jackie, just to show that theres no hard feelings, heres another one with your name on it” Drepmore tried to pull the trigger but misfired completely. The sound was unmistakable. He had just downed the brown. His ass had made a weird whimpering noise with a long interval of hissing at the tail end of it. The class broke into hysteria. Jackie couldn’t believe it. He grabbed his heart and collapsed. Someone rang for the ambulance and thankfully the emergency service were able to rescue the old man.

The same could not be said for Drepmores pants. They had to be binned, along with the stool The janitor spent the next week and half trying to remove his shat from the carpet. Still to this day the shat remains along with a plaque commemorating the event.