Blind Date Farting - How To Impress A Girl?
Farting on a Blind Date can be a great way to tell if you and the girl are truly compatible. Here are a few things to keep in mind.
- Don’t bring up the topic of Farting until you’ve let one rip. Let your wind speak for itself and be careful to monitor how she behaves after it. Take into consideration that your fart may have left her in shock and that she won’t regain her sanity for a good few hours.
- If you fart and the girl responds angrily before letting off an even louder parp of her own, run away quickly. Your relationship won’t work as it’ll be fraught with jealousy and competitiveness.
- If you’re meeting a girl off the net, make sure that you’ve read any of her social networking profiles. This is a good way of knowing how she’ll respond to the spot before you actually let one rip!
- If she bursts into tears after your fart, assume that she has a fart phobia and run to the hills. You might want to give her $10 for the taxi home though. You can’t just leave her standing there really. Your best making sure the cab driver isn’t a fan of the farts either otherwise it’ll be double trouble for her.
- Never ever fart deliberately over dinner, especially if you’re both eating egg. Eggs remind most people of farts and all of this can easily kill an appetite within seconds!
- If you need to fart during dinner and you sense it’s going to be a beast, excuse yourself and dive underneath the table and letting it off without any restraint. This in itself is quite dangerous as she might think you are trying to have a look up her skirt.
- Always bring along a can of pepper spray to a blind date. You never know how she’ll react. If she’s anything like the girls around here she’ll try to claw your eyes out before repeatedly smashing your head off a brick wall.
- If you’re that worried about blind date farts you might want to bring along a friend to test the water. Make sure that he/she farts continually all night and take your cue from there. If she’s impressed with his farts, tell him to go home and begin farting as regularly as possible.
- Remember there is no need to try to boost your farting performance on the night with a special diet, as your bowels will already be doing summersaults with nerves. Try to relax and let the wind find you!
- If you do crap yourself, go home. You don’t want to risk going to bed with her and having to explain why your knickers are clarried with crap!
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