Making games out of farting can be fun. Why not start a farters league in your place of work today? It’s simple, all you need to do is maintain a spreadsheet with how many “fart points” each individual has acquired. The tricky part is creating the criteria which judges the quality of a fart. There are so many factors to take into mind. How did it smell? How silent was the room at the time? How long did it last? How many people did it kill and so and so on.

You could start with something similar to the below and ammend it to suit your own liking.

• Basic Fart - 1 point
• Fart duration over 5 seconds - 5 points
• Fart duration over 10 seconds - 10 points
• For each additional person that complains about the fart - 2 points each
• For each person killed - 100 points

Remember it’s more fun to make up your own rules. You should also consider a farts consistency. For instance was it all in the same tone, or did it change frequently almost resembling a tune? Make sure you clear everything up before starting the contest otherwise there will be a lot of cheating later on.

It’s best to keep a fart contest running for around a month and then you can reset the scores thereafter. It might be good to collect some money to buy prizes with. The winner of the competition might for instance win a years supply of salami. It all depends upon your budget of course. The more money you have, the more motivation people will have which will result in much better farts.

Cheaters must be dealt with severely. We recommend supergluing their assholes up. You might want to hire some goons for this as it sounds like quite a messy job.