Farting Victims - People I Would Love To Fart Upon
I’m generally a decent man, I try to keep myself to myself and wouldn’t raise my fist to anyone. With my ass it’s a completely different matter altogether. There are many people I’d like to fart upon. Here is just a sample..
- Fred Phelps - Someone needs to fart on this man immediately to cure him of all of this God Hates Gays rhetoric. I think a well executed rumble would do him wonders, either that or it would kill the old……fart. Of course trying to sit on him would be next to impossible as he is literally terrified of the anus. He sees it as the work of the devil apparently. I don’t really understand his line of thought, we all need assholes after all. Duh!
- Tony Blair - I can’t stand this man. He just seems to be constantly defending himself weakly from verbal attacks. He needs to get a backbone. I think if I were to let off a bone-chilling fart at him he’d be shocked into silence, forcing him to contemplate the errors of his ways.
- Justin Timberlake - He really bores the ass of me and his music sucks. I’d love to blind him with my wind. I think if I was to eat enough vindaloo I’d be able to damage his retinas sufficiently. It probably wouldn’t stop him from singing though.
- Adolf Hitler - More people should have farted on this waster whilst he was still alive. It’s a pity there weren’t more militant flatulist’s during the World War, they could have seriously taken the wind out of the Nazi’s sails.
- Michael Schumacher - This guy is just too smug. He needs to be taught the ways of an ill ass. I’d love to gorge for months on expired Indian food in preparation for the fart to end all farts. It’d be fantastic just to watch his smile gradually disappear as he realises the extent of my wind. It’d be like breaking the news to an elderly relative that you can no longer offend to board them and that they must go to a retirement home.
- Britney Spears - On second thoughts it’d be pretty cruel to fart on Britney as she seems to be having a pretty tough time of late. I’ve got this feeling too that my farts would make even more of her hair fall out.
- Jay Leno - It would be hard to sit on Jay’s head as his chin would most likely puncture my ass. I could fart at him from a great distance, providing my wind was potent enough.
- Kurt Cobain - Whilst Nirvana (and Kurt Cobain’s head) were still intact I used to send them hate mail along with samples of my own farts. It’s rumoured that my anal emissions were responsible for Kurt’s mental illness. Although being married to Courtney wouldn’t have helped.
- Every Televangelist Who Has Ever Existed - These guys are seriously deluded. I’d love to fart on them just so that they could taste reality for once. I bet I could instantly turn Billy Graham into an Atheist with one fine toot from my ass. I could turn Richard Dawkins into an Islamic Fundementalist if I was given enough chilli to eat too. My ass can work miracles y’see.
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