Jack (Doctor Fart) Kevorkian Released from Prison
Jack Kevorkian was relased from prison today after serving 8 years of his original sentence of 10 to 25 years. Kevorkian is most widely known for his willingness to assist the terminally ill to commit suicide.
The press release says Kevorkian was released early as a reward for his good behavior in prison. However, I didn’t buy that story so I called Mike Hunt, the warden at the Lakeland Correctional Facility to get the real scoop. Here is the unedited transcript of the phone call:
Secretary: Hello, Mr. Hunt’s office….may I help you?
Master Blaster: Yes, ma’am…good morning….my I speak to Mr. Hunt please regarding Jack Kevorkian’s early release from prison?
Secretary: Sir, he is not is not in his office, but I did see him pass by here a moment ago, if you will let me put the phone down I will find him for you…. [sound of phone hitting desk]
Master Blaster: Thank you, I will wait
Secretary: [muffled] Mike Hunt? Where is Mike Hunt? [louder] Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?
Mike Hunt: Mike Hunt speaking………
Master Blaster: Mr. Hunt, thanks for taking my call
Mike Hunt: What can I do for you today?
Master Blaster: I see that Jack Kevorkian is to be released from your prison early. The reason cited is “good behavior”. Given Dr. Kevorkian’s ornery and contrary nature, isn’t this a bit surprising?
Mike Hunt: Sure it is. That is just public relations nonsense. I pulled some strings to get this guy out of here early because we couldn’t stand having him around anymore. Not many people know this, but Kevorkian is the worst farter I have ever seen. He passes gas 50 to 60 times a day and each and every one stinks to high heaven. I got tired of hearing all the whining from his cellmates, the guards, and the German shepards we got patrolling the fence. I got tired of it too. Even though my office is a good 500 yards from his cell block, when the wind blew in from the north it would stink up my place too. I lost my last two secretaries over it.
Master Blaster: Thank you, Mr. Hunt. You were very helpful.
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