Poop Your Pants Whilst Farting?

Everyone will down the brown sooner or later, it’s an inevitable catastrophe in any farters career. Here are some of the best ways to dispose of your dirty undies after the calamity.

Mail them to an old enemy and address them from one of your school teachers. Be aware that Karma exists and you might just get your own pair of dirty pants in the post soon!
You could always try to burn your underpants in desperation. If the crap goes up in flames and you’ve been eating garbage all week the smoke might become a bit too toxic. It’s best to carry this out in a well ventilated area.
Pay a friend to take your undies to the cleaners, pretending that they belong to him or her.
Never try to wash them in a sink as you’ll end up getting the crap all over your hands and the bathroom.
If you are lazy you might want to just throw them out the window. This is extremely unhygenic and it’s likely to reflect badly on you if grandma finds them, especially if she contracts a nasty virus from your poisonous soil.
You could just keep on wearing them and if people ask you what the smell is, just tell them that you are in mating season and begin making pelvic thrusts at anything that moves to prove your point.
Blame the shat on one of your siblings, tell your parents that your brother or sister must have came into your room in the middle of the night and deliberately stole your underpants. They then took a crap in them just to make you look bad.
Tell everyone that you’re now part of a religion which encourages it’s believers to regularly soil their underpants. If no one believes you, burst into tears and warn them that they are liable to go hell if they don’t change their unbelieving ways!
This might seem a bit extreme but by becoming a nudist you eliminate the possibility of ever soiling any of your garments. Although it’s still possible that you might soil your carpet or bedsheets!
Lie and claim that it’s not poop in your pants but chocolate. If anyone asks why you have chocolate smeared all over you ass, remind them that you’ve always been a messy eater.
If you’re feeling adventurous you could always try the Rambo. This involves whipping off your underpants and tying them around your head like a bandana. You could then start rolling about the room pretending that you are fighting invisible enemies just to prove your point.

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