Summer is Here and The Farting is Easy……..
I love the Summer. It is best time of year to really pass some gas. Here are some of my favorite places:
1) Shea Stadium. Yup, the home of the New York Mets. Get there early so you can take in some batting practice and load up on some beers, hot dogs, nachos…..whatever. By the third inning you will have the people sitting around you begging for mercy. If you are up for a challenge you can try farting along to the the traditional “take me out to the ball game” song in the middle of the seventh inning.
I suppose any major league park will do. If you are a Kansas City Royals fan it will give you something to root for during the game.
2) The swimming pool. There is nothing like letting a few rip underwater. The bubbles are always good for a laugh. Don’t strain too hard here….or you can be setting yourself up for a remake of the Baby Ruth candy bar scene from Caddyshack.
3) Golf Tournament. Get there early and get a good spot around the 18th green. Wait for just the right time. Tiger Woods putting for birdie with the tournament on the line, for example. There will be people lined up ten deep all around the green. Tiger will examine the putt from every angle, consult with his caddy and otherwise make a science project out of rolling a ball five and a half feet. The throngs will go silent as Tiger approaches the ball. If your timing is good you can release a thunder clap just at the instant he pulls the head of the putter back. Not only will you send a few thousand golf dweebs into hysterics, you have a good shot of having your fart picked up on network television and being heard all over the world!! If Tiger flinches and blows the putt, all the better!! Let someone else win for a change!!
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